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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The provided bar graph illustrates information about the change in
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
lived
Correct pronoun usage
who lived
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 in locations
such
Linking Words
 as
cities
Use synonyms
,
towns
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 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 from 1995 to 2010, with data
prsented
Correct your spelling
presented
 on the percentage scale.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
people
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 lived in
cities
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 more than in rural
areas
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 and
towns
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. In detail,
people
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 born outside
Australia
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 tended to live in
cities
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 in 1995 and 2010.
Also
Linking Words
, no more they did not like living in rural
areas
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. In 1995, the number of
people
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 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 living was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40%.
However
Linking Words
, in 2010, the figure decreased to about 10%
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 too born in
Australia
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 tended to live in
cities
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 in 1995 and 2010 . But, a lot of
people
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 left rural
areas
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 and
towns
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 2010. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 in
towns
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 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 living
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 20% to around 10%,
30
Correct word choice
and 30
show examples
% to about 10% decreased respectively.
Submitted by moneekun on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities, towns, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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