In many countries around the world, young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.

We live in a demanding society, where young
people
growing up need to show their capabilities in order to survive.
For
this
reason, in many countries,
people
have started to move to big
cities
for better prospects or in hopes of finding jobs which could show their potential. In
this
written essay, I will discuss why rural
people
are moving to big
cities
. On the one hand, there are multiple reasons for them to make
such
a big move. One of the reasons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I mentioned above is that they are in the belief in a life-changing future. Many
people
think moving to
cities
would change their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
however
,
that is
not the case. In most cases, they will be in poverty, which derives from the fact that many of them are not educated to have the essential qualities most big
cities
’ vacancies require.
In other words
, the plain reality at the workplace expects them more. Unfortunately, they are not eligible or ready for what might come up as the highly demanding criteria to live in
such
big
cities
. Not only that, the population of big
cities
are constantly increasing, which worsens the situation.
Also
, there will be litter everywhere, homeless
people
sleeping on the streets, and the worst part is that those
people
who were once encouraged by hope, are now shattered by unpleasant reality. They can't visit their family back home because they can’t afford transportation either.
On the other hand
, not all countryside
people
end up being homeless. There are countless cases in which they succeed, having good careers and a successful life.
This
is the positive feature of
people
moving to big
cities
: they contribute, work hard, fulfil the demands of society and show what they are capable of. If most cases are
this
good, not only does the city evolve but the whole country evolves and develops. To summarize my point, there is no
such
thing as a 100 per cent effective plan as there will always be bad and good development in every scenario. As for myself I can’t fully judge and evaluate
this
for I have no evidence of
this
development outweighing the good or bad.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis statement to guide your essay.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt more directly and provide a clear position on whether young people leaving home after finishing school is a positive or negative development.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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