IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.

#countries #world #people #parents’ #home #school #friends #development #answers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We live in a demanding society, where young
people
 growing up need to show their capabilities in order to survive.
For
this
 reason, in many countries,
people
 have started to move to big
cities
 for better prospects or in hopes of finding jobs which could show their potential. In
this
 written essay, I will discuss why rural
people
 are moving to big
cities
. On the one hand, there are multiple reasons for them to make
such
 a big move. One of the reasons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I mentioned above is that they are in the belief in a life-changing future. Many
people
 think moving to
cities
 would change their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
however
,
that is
 not the case. In most cases, they will be in poverty, which derives from the fact that many of them are not educated to have the essential qualities most big
cities
’ vacancies require.
In other words
, the plain reality at the workplace expects them more. Unfortunately, they are not eligible or ready for what might come up as the highly demanding criteria to live in
such
 big
cities
. Not only that, the population of big
cities
 are constantly increasing, which worsens the situation.
Also
, there will be litter everywhere, homeless
people
 sleeping on the streets, and the worst part is that those
people
 who were once encouraged by hope, are now shattered by unpleasant reality. They can't visit their family back home because they can’t afford transportation either.
On the other hand
, not all countryside
people
 end up being homeless. There are countless cases in which they succeed, having good careers and a successful life.
This
 is the positive feature of
people
 moving to big
cities
: they contribute, work hard, fulfil the demands of society and show what they are capable of. If most cases are
this
 good, not only does the city evolve but the whole country evolves and develops. To summarize my point, there is no
such
 thing as a 100 per cent effective plan as there will always be bad and good development in every scenario. As for myself I can’t fully judge and evaluate
this
 for I have no evidence of
this
 development outweighing the good or bad.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis statement to guide your essay.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt more directly and provide a clear position on whether young people leaving home after finishing school is a positive or negative development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: