Some people think a simple lifestyle can preserve the environment, while others argue that technology itself can solve it . Discuss both views and give your opinions

While
Linking Words
a part of the population considers life without technology better, the other part sees it as an advantage. I will discuss both views
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
I will give my opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some people believe that technology has a bad influence on human connections. They think that a simple lifestyle can make individuals more connected with one another and
also
Linking Words
with the environment. If they are not distracted by any devices, they can spend time in nature
while
Linking Words
they preserve it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the community can live a life full of joy if they start appreciating the little things.
For example
Linking Words
, if I go out with my friends and we do not bring our phones, we pay attention to one another and we
also
Linking Words
enjoy the habitat.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the other part of the population believes that automation is helping the population to save time
as well as
Linking Words
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
the environment. community-built machines that clean the forests and the streets.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those machines make the crowd's lives easier by doing hard work. I agree with
this
Linking Words
point of view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
I think that automation makes our lives easier.
For instance
Linking Words
, cleaning the forest
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
100
crowds
Check wording
people
show examples
to clean , but with machines , only 5 people are needed. In conclusion, I believe that our life is better with
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
show examples
not only because it saves the climate, but
also
Linking Words
because it saves people's energy .Human connection can be affected by the
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
in automation only if humans do not pay attention to
this
Linking Words
aspect.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Your essay uses two views and a clear opinion. Ideas are not fully built. Add more details and explain your points.
Task response
Keep a steady position. Start with a clear plan and stay on it through the essay.
Coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'and', 'for example' to show how ideas connect.
Coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a short sentence at the start.
Language
Fix small grammar issues. Use short, plain sentences to be clear.
Structure/Content
The essay shows two sides and has a closing idea.
Content
There are examples to show the points.
Content
The conclusion gives your own view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: