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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect
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Some individuals in term of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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video
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games
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 as harmless fun, or even as
a
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apply
show examples
helpful educational
tool
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tools
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. Others,
however
Linking Words
, think that
videos
Change the noun form
video
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 are having
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on the individuals who play them.
Although
Linking Words
video
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games
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 can bring disadvantages namely,
health
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 issues, I believe the advantages of
video
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games
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 greater exceed
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
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 because it
is teach
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teaches
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people
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 creativity
,
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apply
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 and help
people
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 to become more social. On the one hand, the primary demerits of
video
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games
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 it can have a detrimental influence on
physical
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the physical
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 and mental
health
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 of
people
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. Regarding physical issues
Add a comma
,
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people
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 spend a considerable amount of time
time
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apply
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in order to
playing
Change the verb
play
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video
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games
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, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more vulnerable to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 serious diseases, obesity, heart attack, and
eyes
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eye
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 problems.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
video
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games
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 can make
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more likely to get mental
health
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 problems
such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
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depression, and anxiety .
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
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 lack
of
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apply
show examples
face-to-face interaction with real
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would like to argue that
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 of
video
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games
Use synonyms
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
 more than
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
. The primary benefit of
video
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games
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 is encouraging creativity among
people
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. To illustrate,
people
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 who play
video
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games
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 often solve puzzles and overcome challenges, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can motivate
people
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 to
thinking
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think
show examples
 out of
box
Add an article
the box
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
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video
Add an article
a video
show examples
 game called Minecraft
encourage
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encourages
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children
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 to solve a wide range of puzzles, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
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 for
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 brain functions.
Make
Wrong verb form
Making
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people
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 more social is another advantage of playing
video
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games
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because some online
video
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games
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 help
children
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 to make relationships with many
people
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 from different cultures and backgrounds.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
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via
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apply
show examples
playing
video
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games
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they
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apply
show examples
can enhance their communication skills.
To sum up
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,
depsite
Correct your spelling
despite
 of
video
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games
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 can bring downsides
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
health
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 problems I believe
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
 upsides of
video
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games
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
due to
Linking Words
video
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games
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boosts
Change the verb form
boost
show examples
 creativity among
people
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, and make
people
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 more social.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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