Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect

Some individuals in term of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

video

games

as harmless fun, or even as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

helpful educational

tool

Fix the agreement mistake

tools

show examples

. Others,

however

, think that

videos

Change the noun form

video

show examples

games

are having

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

impact on the individuals who play them.

Although

video

games

can bring disadvantages namely,

health

issues, I believe the advantages of

video

games

greater exceed

downsides

Correct article usage

the downsides

show examples

because it

is teach

Change the verb form

teaches

show examples

people

creativity

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and help

people

to become more social. On the one hand, the primary demerits of

video

games

it can have a detrimental influence on

physical

Add an article

the physical

show examples

and mental

health

people

. Regarding physical issues

Add a comma

show examples

people

spend a considerable amount of time

time

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

in order to

playing

Change the verb

play

show examples

video

games

, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can make

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more vulnerable to

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

serious diseases, obesity, heart attack, and

eyes

Change the noun form

eye

show examples

problems.

Futhermore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

video

games

can make

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more likely to get mental

health

problems

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

depression, and anxiety .

This

is because

people

lack

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

face-to-face interaction with real

people

On the other hand

, I would like to argue that

merits

Correct article usage

the merits

show examples

video

games

significantly

Add a missing verb

are significantly

show examples

more than

demerits

Correct article usage

the demerits

show examples

. The primary benefit of

video

games

is encouraging creativity among

people

. To illustrate,

people

who play

video

games

often solve puzzles and overcome challenges, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can motivate

people

thinking

Change the verb form

think

show examples

out of

box

Add an article

the box

show examples

For example

video

Add an article

a video

show examples

game called Minecraft

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

children

to solve a wide range of puzzles, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can

beneficial

Add a missing verb

be beneficial

show examples

for

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

brain functions.

Make

Wrong verb form

Making

show examples

people

more social is another advantage of playing

video

games

This

is because some online

video

games

help

children

to make relationships with many

people

from different cultures and backgrounds.

Therefore

children

via

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

video

games

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can enhance their communication skills.

To sum up

depsite

Correct your spelling

despite

video

games

can bring downsides

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

health

problems I believe

ther

Correct your spelling

their

the

upsides of

video

games

outweigh

disadvantages

Correct article usage

the disadvantages

show examples

due to

video

games

boosts

Change the verb form

boost

show examples

creativity among

people

, and make

people

more social.

Submitted by faiz3177 on Tue Aug 15 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people regard the video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?