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Band 6

The bar charts below shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second year of use.

The bar charts below shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second year of use.
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The data provided in the form of a bar chart compares in which way the pattern of visits to a community website has changed at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of use and the next
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend in the number of people who
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 the social website over the next
yeat
Correct your spelling
year
show examples
, except in Auqest which
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 individuals spent time on that. The figure for visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
mention
Change the verb form
mentioned
show examples
 platform in February and March in the first
year
Use synonyms
 was nearly 1000 people,
while
Linking Words
 that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increased significantly by 10 times in the following
year
Use synonyms
. The least growth in the number of visits related to Sep and Oct by
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 of less than 1000 people.
similarly
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 two
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and its visit experienced a moderate rise from 10000 to about 18000. In the first month of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the year
show examples
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 the popularity of
this
Linking Words
 site was approximately 2500,
however
Linking Words
 that of soar to 16000 in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 of use.
Although
Linking Words
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
 season saw
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same growth in the subsequent
year
Use synonyms
,
communiting
Correct your spelling
communicating
 with
this
Linking Words
 website reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top
its
Change preposition
of its
show examples
 value in June and July by 22000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the user of
this
Linking Words
 site decreased from 15000 to 13000 in the second
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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