IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should limit the time their children spend watching TV and playing computer games and encourage them to read books instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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It has been frequently argued that guardians ought to reduce the time their youngsters spend
seeing
Verb problem
watching
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 television and
operating
Verb problem
playing
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 video games and motivate them to read literature. I agree with the statement and the same
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, it has been
well-said
Correct your spelling
well said
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 children are like clay, that could be moulded into any shape. When they develop the habit of reading literature on a daily basis,
thus
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, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 keep on doing it for their whole life.
Besides
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, they could grab a plethora of knowledge through these
books
Use synonyms
 and it would be helpful in their studies as well.
For instance
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, it has been clear that youngsters, who frequently read
books
Use synonyms
, got better scores. Since their intellectual level would assist them to understand the concepts quite conveniently,
so
Rephrase
apply
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they are smart enough to learn the theory taught in the classes.
On the other hand
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, spending time watching TV and computer games regularly would develop wrong habits among young ones.
Initially
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, they would become addicted to operating
such
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 gadgets, so they might not be able to concentrate on essential matters.
For example
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, there are plenty of times, when children receive low grades in their studies because they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 focus on their school work.
Moreover
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, watching movies might not be helpful as reading
books
Use synonyms
 would assist them to enhance vocabulary and improve punctuation. In conclusion, it has been known that reading
books
Use synonyms
 would improve skills, assist in education, and in certain more ways.
However
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, spending time in entertainment more than required would not help them in any way.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed. The essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main points, and a conclusion that summarizes the key ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. Work on organizing the content in a more coherent manner. Also, ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used needs improvement. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetitive expressions.
grammatical range
The essay contains several grammatical errors. Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar usage to convey ideas more clearly.
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