The graph below shows the proportions of workers in three different sectors in South Korea between 1981 and 2011

The line graph gives data on the proportions of employees in 3 various branches of the South Korean economy from 1981 to 2011.

Overall

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, Services employees experienced an upward trend throughout the period

while

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Industry

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registered a fluctuation and agriculture underwent a downward trend. Starting off with the services sector, the employment rate of

this

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branch begins at just shy of 40% in 1981.

Then

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it witnessed a marked increase during the whole period finishing at just under 70% in 2011 remaining the highest employment rate among the three branches.

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Industry

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The industry

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had begun at around 27% and climbed to reach 34% in 1991 resulting in the employment of

industry

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surpassing agriculture in around 1984. After an initial rise,

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industry

Correct article usage

the industry

show examples

employees percentage experienced a moderate decline meaning that its figures had returned back to approximately 26%

at the end

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Thirdly

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, agriculture registered a sizeable decline for two decades: 32% in 1981 and 7% in 2011, respectively.

sajadtorab

Aug 16, 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words industry with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

155 words

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The graph below shows the proportions of workers in three different sectors in South Korea between 1981 and 2011

Governments should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens’ health rather than on protecting the environmemt. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

school teachers are more responsible for social and intellectual development of students than parent. To what extent do you agree or disagree.