The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

#detail #proportion #australian #school #graduates #education

The given piechart illustrates the percentage of Australian

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

in secondary school who would

chose

Change the verb form

choose

show examples

what they doing in their life in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

Overall

, the percentage of students who chose

further

education was a downward trend,

meanwhile

Add a comma

,meanwhile

show examples

the employed students were an upward trend and

unemployed

Correct article usage

the unemployed

show examples

fluctuated in the same period 1980, 1990, and 2000. In 1980, the proportion of

further

education showed 50% and It decreased rapidly to 38% in 1990 and went down continuously to 37% in 2000. There was

Correct article usage

the

show examples

opposite with students who were employed when experienced

Change preposition

apply

show examples

growth from 40% to 50% after ten years, from 1980 to 1990, respectively and were the largest on the pie chart in 2000, with 55%. About the graduated student who

were

Change the verb form

was

show examples

unemployed, In the period from 1980 to 1990, they increased

Change preposition

show examples

2%, from 10% to 12%. But they went down 4% in the

last

period, which stayed at 8% in 2000.

Submitted by phanminhman07 on Thu Aug 17 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

157 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
The subjects that children are taught in schools are decided by central authorities. Some people say that teachers, not politicians should be responsible for this task. To what extent do you agree or disagree with?
Students study the subjects that the educational system selects for them to study, while some people believe that teachers should be in charge of this. Personally, I think this concept is sound.   First of all, teachers are able to select subjects that are appropriate for each student in their class since they are aware of the students' skills. This is so that teachers, who instruct students nearly every day of the week, may get to know each student's personality and level of learning. As a result, teachers might assign courses in physics and arithmetic to help students strengthen their logical thinking skills or literature and history to help them finish their education. For example, in several developing nations like America or Australia, kids can study the disciplines they are interested in, like science or math, and it can second, a more effective lecture format is possible. If students are made to study subjects they dislike, the class will not be productive since they will qu...
7
band
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the contemporary era, with the development of technology, the question of whether it is necessary to conserve the traditional techniques and ways has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective, I firmly agree that preserving traditional culture is pivotal.
6.5
band
easily. In addition, the city is central to the state, trade, education and many sectors of the human being so society tends to find new experiences and broaden their horizon in the metropolitan which supports people’s capability at work.
In the past, it was common for people to live and work in the countryside. Nowadays, many people are more likely to stay and get a job in the cities, and as a result, the number of inhabitants in the countryside has decreased considerably. In this essay I will argue that moving from the countryside, on the one hand, is essential for getting a new job and expanding the experiences, on the other hand, it has an impact on the economic downturn in the countryside.
6.5
band
Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?
In The present times, most employers are demanding more hours from employees causing them to feel more stress. we will discuss the possible reasons leading to this, and what kind of solutions we can implement.
6
band
In many countries, people now living longer than before some people say that the aging population creates several problems for the government while others argue that there are benefits if society has more elderly people
While some argue that the increased longevity of people In most countries presents several challenges, others contend that It offers numerous advantages. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The subjects that children are taught in schools are decided by central authorities. Some people say that teachers, not politicians should be responsible for this task. To what extent do you agree or disagree with?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

easily. In addition, the city is central to the state, trade, education and many sectors of the human being so society tends to find new experiences and broaden their horizon in the metropolitan which supports people’s capability at work.

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

In many countries, people now living longer than before some people say that the aging population creates several problems for the government while others argue that there are benefits if society has more elderly people