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Writing Samples
Band 2

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

#detail #proportion #australian #school #graduates #education
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The given piechart illustrates the percentage of Australian
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 in secondary school who would
chose
Change the verb form
choose
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 what they doing in their life in 1980, 1990, and 2000.
Overall
, the percentage of students who chose
further
 education was a downward trend,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
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 the employed students were an upward trend and
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
show examples
 fluctuated in the same period 1980, 1990, and 2000. In 1980, the proportion of
further
 education showed 50% and It decreased rapidly to 38% in 1990 and went down continuously to 37% in 2000. There was
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite with students who were employed when experienced
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
growth from 40% to 50% after ten years, from 1980 to 1990, respectively and were the largest on the pie chart in 2000, with 55%. About the graduated student who
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 unemployed, In the period from 1980 to 1990, they increased
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2%, from 10% to 12%. But they went down 4% in the
last
 period, which stayed at 8% in 2000.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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