IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

inflation
Fix capitalization
Inflation
show examples
 is increasing day by day to fulfil the needs of daily
life
Use synonyms
,
work
Correct word choice
and work
show examples
 has
been making
Verb problem
become
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone's
life
Use synonyms
. As far as
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 am concerned that
this
Linking Words
 part-time trend has more benefits than its demerits.I would like to put a headlight on both views in the upcoming paragraphs. Elaborating above, the reason for prioritising
this
Linking Words
 would be considered as a good benefit of self-dependency because if they work within study
then
Linking Words
 they can know in a better way how to earn money and be stable financially.
Linking Words
secondly
Fix capitalization
Secondly
show examples
, it helps them to prepare for their future goals because
within
Change preposition
during
show examples
investigation
Correct article usage
the investigation
show examples
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 they can get more
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 and get a good job by illustrating their working skills in any good
Use the right word
organisation
show examples
organization
Punctuation problem
organization,
show examples
 because task time
only
Punctuation problem
, only
show examples
 practical knowledge is required
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 theoretical one.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , they do not need to depend on their parents to buy anything because they are self-earners who can achieve anything in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 their own needs . On the other
,
Check wording
hand,side
show examples
side
Check wording
apply
show examples
 it has disadvantages
, i
Punctuation problem
. I
show examples
 can say that students
feel
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 more
difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
making
Verb problem
to strike
show examples
 a balance between both things because
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 most cases, students have to attend in-person classes
that's
Punctuation problem
. That's
show examples
 why in case if they don't follow a proper study routine, in
this
Linking Words
 case they get lower grades and
this
Linking Words
 put
overall
Linking Words
bad
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
 impact on their
life
Use synonyms
. To some extent , it is considered a form of depression when the influx of things gets together in their mind.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 opine that every key has a lock
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 we can not deny both aspects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the advantages are more than their demerits. Everything plays a different role regarding work and study.
if
Fix capitalization
If
show examples
 a person is fully
motivated
Punctuation problem
motivated,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 nothing can be more harmful.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan before you write. Make a short intro, two body paragraphs, and a short end.
grammar
Use simple, correct sentences. Watch for run-on sentences and fix commas.
development
Add reasons for each idea and give one example.
content
Stick to one main view. Begin with your view and keep it in the body.
cohesion
Use linking words like and, but, also, however to move ideas smoothly.
content
You take a clear view that advantages may be bigger than disadvantages.
development
You write about independence and future work in a simple way.
structure
You try to discuss both sides of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: