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Band 4.5

Many schools these days have problems with poor student behaviour. Why do you think these problems occur? What could be done to tackle these problems.

#schools #student #behaviour
Students
 spend the majority of their time in school and it has been proved that school has an undeniable effect on making and developing student’s character. As
schools
 are considered the second home of
students
, they are struggling with lots of issues related to
students
’
behaviours
. So,
this
 essay has tried to cover some of the sources related to
students
’
behaviours
 and
also
 will suggest some impressive approaches to
schools
 to control and eradicate bad
behaviours
 of
students
.
Firstly
, it is very important to find all of the aspects which have deep effects on a student's mind. As a student at a young age, their home environment,
friends
 and TV
programs
 can affect their character and encourage them to some particular
behaviours
. In fact, the
way
 that parents interact with each other directly defines moral and unethical matters for
students
.
For example
, a student learns from parents how to behave in a society including how to respect laws or how to be rebellious.
On the other hand
,
students
 always are interested in intimating their
friends
 as they spend the majority of their time with them,
Also
 TV
programs
 have a strong effect on
students
’ character and in most cases
students
 make their appearances and develop their
behaviours
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
similar to some popular actors.
Therefore
,
schools
 are always the first place which faces to
mention
Verb problem
face
show examples
 problems and try to tackle those bad
behaviours
 which have come into existence in
students
.
Secondly
,
schools
 should implement some ways together to investigate
students
’
behaviours
.
For example
, they should develop several meetings with
students
’ parents to recognize the reason for conflicts.
Or as
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 most
students
 find their
friends
 in the school environment, teachers should monitor the
way
 of interactions between
students
 or encourage them to find good
friends
 by making some small suitable communities in the
schools
. Ultimately, teachers should spend time to find which TV
programs
 are on
students
’ favourite lists and try to show them the ethical aspects of those
programs
 in
this
way
 open a clear horizon for them to separate good things from bad ones. I think,
therefore
,
schools
 have a critical role
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
 moral things to
students
 and they should arrange some more courses related to behaviour matters
besides
 education.
However
,
schools
 are so alone in
this
way
 in most countries and they should be helped by societies and families as one hand can’t carry a watermelon without helping
another
Fix the agreement mistake
the other
show examples
 hand.
Submitted by usafakhri on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a good introduction but lacks a clear conclusion. Make sure to summarize the main points and provide a final thought on the topic. Additionally, consider reorganizing the essay to improve logical flow between paragraphs and link ideas more cohesively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and addresses the prompt effectively. However, the conclusion is not well-developed. Ensure that the essay provides a clear resolution or suggestion related to the problems discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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