An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development

Cosmetic

surgery

is becoming increasingly popular in

this

modern world.

Majority

Correct article usage

The majority

show examples

of the population

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

deciding to have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

cosmetic

surgery

, to enhance their physical

appearance

. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will discuss the negative

developmet

Correct your spelling

development

of having

Remove the article

apply

show examples

surgery

. In

this

currrent

Correct your spelling

current

modern world where technology is advancing continuously. There are a lot of sophisticated

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

and devices that can

allter

Correct your spelling

alter

the physical

appearance

of a person.

This

has a negative impact

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

becase

Correct your spelling

because

it gives pressure and

unsatisfaction

Replace the word

dissatisfaction

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people especially

Correct word choice

because it

show examples

easily influences our younger generations. They are not content

Change preposition

with

show examples

their

appearance

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

leads them to undergo

surgery

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

a student who is being bullied in school

due to

her

appearance

might develop low

self esteem

Add a hyphen

self-esteem

show examples

and depression.

Due to

this

, she might decide to do the operation.

This

might solve her problem but, in the long

run

Add a comma

,run

show examples

the side effect of

this

will appear. It might cause more harm to her

overall

appearance

and health. There are lots of

report

Fix the agreement mistake

reports

show examples

regarding failed operations and the end result was deformity of the operated sites. Often the operated

persons

Change to a genitive case

person's

persons'

show examples

appearance

was much more

diffferent

Correct your spelling

different

than their previous one.

On the other hand

, there is a good side to

this

For instance

, a person who was involved in an accident

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can have a restorative operation.

To conclude

, having

Remove the article

apply

show examples

surgery

should be out of

necesiity

Correct your spelling

necessity

. I believe that a good family upbringing should start inside the family. Parents should teach their children to be satisfied with what they have, be confident with who they are and not be pressured by the demands and whim of their environment.

Submitted by Anneya on Fri Aug 18 2023

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Idealized beauty standards
Cosmetic surgery
Advancements in medical technology
Socially acceptable
Self-improvement
Psychological well-being
Competitive workforce
Youthful appearance
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Physical appearance

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

There is certainly a difference in thoughts, ideas and actions between children, their parents and grandparents. Why do these differences exist? Does it cause problems in your community, in your opinion?

Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country’s financial resources.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of diverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.