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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in degrees Celsius (°C) and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.

The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in degrees Celsius (°C) and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.
#information #temperatures #degrees #celsius #°c #rainfall #month #two #australian #cities
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The two data
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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 the average daily
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
degreea
Correct your spelling
degrees
degree
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
 and
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
numver
Correct your spelling
number
 of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is the fluctuation of
temperature
Use synonyms
 and average rainfall in both cities each month. In the month of
january
Change the capitalization
January
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 Canbera's
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
temperature
Use synonyms
 was approximately 12
degrees
Use synonyms
 and the maximum was around 25
degrees
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Brisbane experienced a
temperature
Use synonyms
 ranging from 20 to 25
degrees
Use synonyms
. Canberras'
temperature
Use synonyms
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 and reached its lowest point in July at around 2
degrees
Use synonyms
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
then
Linking Words
, depicts a steadily increasing
temperature
Use synonyms
 that hovers around 20% in
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 Brisbanes'
temperature
Use synonyms
 shows a sudden decrease in
temperature
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 in
february
Change the capitalization
February
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. The coldest
temperature
Use synonyms
 was just around 10
degrees
Use synonyms
 in the
montth
Correct your spelling
month
 of July
then
Linking Words
,
subsequently
Linking Words
 increased and reaches its hottest
temperature
Use synonyms
 at around 30
degrees
Use synonyms
 in
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Brisbane accounts for the highest rainfall in
february
Change the capitalization
February
show examples
while
Linking Words
 Canberra is the smallest
most
Change preposition
in most
show examples
 of the months.
Submitted by Anneya on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average daily maximum
  • average daily minimum
  • rainfall
  • degrees Celsius (°C)
  • anomalies
  • trends
  • geographic location
  • climate zones
  • seasonal changes
  • data representation
  • comparison
  • temperature range
  • weather patterns
  • statistical analysis
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