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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the population figures of different types of turtles in India between 1980 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the population figures of different types of turtles in India between 1980 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given graph chart represents data about 4 different
species
Use synonyms
 of
turtles
Use synonyms
 in India and their population from 1980 to 2012. It can be clearly seen that Olive Ridley
turtles
Use synonyms
 are rising in numbers
while
Linking Words
 others remain on the same
lever
Correct your spelling
level
show examples
 or even decreasing in population. In 1980 all types of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 have the same
number
Use synonyms
 which is about 100. For the next 5
years
Add a comma
,years
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 their index increased and the
number
Use synonyms
 became 110. For the following 12
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 there was a huge growth in
figure
Use synonyms
 for Olive Ridley
turtles
Use synonyms
 compared to other
species
Use synonyms
. They peaked at
point
Correct article usage
a point
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 of 135.
While
Linking Words
 Leatherback
Turtles
Use synonyms
 had a
steadily
Change the adverb
steady
show examples
 fall and
Use synonyms
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
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 in 1998 was about 90. The trend of falling
number
Use synonyms
 remained on
this
Linking Words
 type and in 2012 it was almost 55
species
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
. The All
Species
Use synonyms
 graph line experienced fluctuations during the whole period of time and the total
number
Use synonyms
 in 2012 was 111.The same pattern was applied
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Green
turtles
Use synonyms
. In the
last
Linking Words
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 was approximately 90.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the Leatherback type of
turtles
Use synonyms
 experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant fall. The
number
Use synonyms
 of them became two times less.
However
Linking Words
, Olive Ridley
turtles
Use synonyms
 increased in its
figure
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 35 .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words species, turtles, number, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population figures
  • types of turtles
  • increased
  • decreased
  • remained stable
  • highest population
  • lowest population
  • significant changes
  • trends
  • fluctuations
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