IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

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With cutting-edge technology, many kids have access to the internet and the majority of them prefer to play digital tournaments
such
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 as PUBG and Mobile Legends rather than focusing on learning purposes.
However
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, I personally believe that it brings a couple of advantages.
On the other hand
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, there are several risks that should be considered.
This
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 essay will dive deeply into the topic in order to provide merit and demerit points.
To begin
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 with, computer matches, nowadays, become a favourite entertainment for offspring in order to fulfil their free time on weekends. They tend to enjoy
this
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 kind of activity since they are in the advent of the technology era where they can access it freely with an internet connection. To elucidate
further
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, when the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 pandemic spread worldwide including in Indonesia where schools did not operate hands-on
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it changed virtually and Scion could go anywhere. Parents had the initiative to give their sons and daughters educated virtual
games
Use synonyms
 like the Hommer app in terms of boosting their mood to stay learning. Other benefits come to soft skills in which the younger can improve those skills
such
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 as time management, cognitive abilities, leadership, problem-solving and many more.
Moreover
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, the number of those who have English as the medium of instruction, young generations will take
this
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 opportunity in order to learn and improve their English. Every coin has two sides;
nevertheless
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, there are clear benefits of digital matches for pupils. It will be harmful to the scion because they will be addicted because the duration or portion of playing
games
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 is too much, and it will profoundly affect kids to play and play without stopping.
As a consequence
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, it has a detrimental effect on their health, especially their eyes since too much looking at the screen.
Furthermore
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, scion who tends to surf the internet
due to
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 online
games
Use synonyms
 become antisocial, they will not blend in with their surroundings, especially with their peers, and it will be a drawback for them when growing up. In conclusion, cyberspace creates a ton of benefits if the portion of playing
games
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 is appropriate for children, and it will be dangerous when they overplay it since it will be addictive.
Therefore
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, parents can substitute it by playing outdoors
instead
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 of giving children online
games
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 frequently.

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task response
Ensure the introduction clearly states the writer's position on the given topic. The conclusion should summarize the key points and restate the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay. Use appropriate linking devices to create a clear and cohesive flow of ideas between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Enhance the range and accuracy of vocabulary. Use a wider variety of lexical resources to express ideas more precisely and with greater sophistication.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and use of articles to enhance grammatical accuracy. Vary sentence structures to demonstrate a range of grammar features.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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