IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree?

#improvement #health #education #trade #development #nations #governments #responsibility #areas
Some people believe in the notion that more economically developed countries should help poorer ones. I only partly disagree with the
above stated
Add a hyphen
above-stated
show examples
.
First,
there is no doubt that health, education and trade are the most important areas in a
country
's development and need special attention from the government. Without an adequate healthcare and education system the people of the
country
 would not have the necessary abilities to help the
country
 grow economically, which in consequence leads to less available funding for everything else. The
above described
Add a hyphen
above-described
show examples
 cycle can be broken with the help from other richer countries but in no way these nations should take any kind of responsibility for
the others well-being
Change to a genitive case
the well-being of the other
the other's well-being
show examples
. On one hand, providing help will definitely benefit the other side
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may be able to repay later on, and it is
also
 a step forward to a better globalist future, where everyone is taking care of one another and paying attention only to their current situation, it is worth noting that in today's
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
this
 is almost impossible because the more stable government should take resources from its people to give to the
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 of a
country
 in a worse state,
therefore
 risking its own stability and citizens' live quality a decision not worth taking. In conclusion, for more developed countries to help the poor once is a great idea in theory but it is hard to achieve without helping one suffering from
this
.
Submitted by evamironova65 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: