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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The following diagrams show a current map of Peyton park and a plan for proposed changes.

The following diagrams show a current map of Peyton park and a plan for proposed changes.
#diagrams #show #peyton #park #plan #changes
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The plans illustrate visual data about the current plan of a particular
airport
, and how it is aimed to be designed after next year’s reconstruction plan.
Overall
, the
airport
 is going to be expanded, and it will have more facilities. If we look at the current plan, the
airport
 has 8 gates, and passengers have to walk to reach them.
In contrast
, 10 more gates will be constructed there,
as well as
 a sky train to transfer
people
. Now,
people
 are not able to buy something
while
 waiting at the
airport
, but some shops will be introduced in the place
people
 would wait for security and passport control, on their way to the departure site. After having their passport checked,
people
 have no place to drop their bags, but one is planned to be placed in the departure part. The check-in counter will be moved to the current location of the cafe, in order to make room for the bag-dropping area. The current cafe will
also
 be shifted to the southern area of the departure site. Those
people
 who get off the plane will have access to an ATM.
In addition
, a new cafe will be built in the arrival area.
Finally
, in one year, they will be able to hire a car, since there will be an introduction of a car hire place after the development
Submitted by athena.karimzadeh on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words airport, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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