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Band 5

Some people think that we sould replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sould #buildings #houses #cities
These days we see combinations of old and new buildings in all major and minor cities. Both types of buildings have their own charm and importance in human life.
However
, some people believe that old monuments should be replaced with new architectural designs like in Dubai City as it will not only attract tourists but
also
it looks
Verb problem
make
show examples
 the city beautiful. I am going to discuss both views and will share my opinion. To commence with, modern buildings not only create a better lifestyle for humans but
also
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
show examples
tourists from all over the world. To elaborate , modern building designs provide better amenities
such
 as spacious rooms, and a great interior and exterior
wheater
Correct your spelling
Whether
show examples
 it is a workplace, society or shopping mall, it always creates a positive environment and improves the way of working.
For example
, cities like Melbourne and Sydney have all the modern infrastructure and are always ranked in the top 10 cities in the world to stay.
On the other hand
, some people believe that we should protect our old heritage as we learn so many things from the past. To explicate , old monuments depict historic moments and they teach good lessons to the new generation.
For instance
, Jallianwala Bagh depicts the history of the British Raj in India.
To conclude
, In my ,opinion we can replace the old infrastructure with new ones to create more tourist attractions and a better lifestyle but the government should always preserve our heritage places
such
 as the Taj Mahal which is considered as the seven wonders of the world.
Submitted by dhingrarahul55 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are not well-developed. Make sure to clearly present your viewpoint in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You need to provide a more balanced discussion by discussing both views in detail. Also, make sure to directly respond to the prompt and fully develop each idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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