Some people think that people who immigrate to a new country should accept the new culture as their own rather than remain in separate minority groups and live in different lifestyles. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #immigrate #country #culture #minority #groups #lifestyles

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Some men and women believe that individuals who go abroad to have more acceptable life opportunities should prefer the new culture as their own and they shouldn't diversify the whole society. I totally agree with

this

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thought because I believe that they can find a better occupation and educate their children more peacefully.

Firstly

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, people immigrate to a new country to have a chance for a better life than they had in their own country. In order to do

this

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, they should learn

the

Change the word

their

show examples

native language, culture, and traditions to have more qualified professions.

For example

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, individuals who can understand the whole society will be more successful in their occupations because the employers prefer them rather than someone who can not communicate with the folks.

Additionally

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, people can't be able to gain more money unless they embrace where they work and who their colleagues are.

On the other hand

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, many men and women who go to another country, don't come back to their homeland. They start to build a family in a new environment and have children there.

Therefore

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, it is important to accept the new culture because their children can have a better education in

this

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way. To explain

this

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, adolescents discriminate against other young generations if they are different from themselves.

Hence

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, the kids should accept the new lifestyle as their parents do to improve their self-confidence and to have proper friends at school.

Moreover

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, it impacts teenagers to find an occupation in the future because of that network. In conclusion, some people think that it is more important to accept a new lifestyle for

the

Correct article usage

apply

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immigrants than

remaining

Change the verb form

to remain

show examples

in separate minority groups. In my opinion, they will have better opportunities when they are used to adopt it.

Submitted by bloodylady on Wed Sep 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Consider refining your paragraph transitions to ensure an even smoother flow between ideas. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' at the beginning of a paragraph to introduce further points can be beneficial.

task achievement

While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, aim for more specific examples to illustrate your points further. This could strengthen your arguments and provide greater depth to your essay.

task achievement

Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'people can't be able to gain more money' should be 'people will not be able to earn more money.' Such adjustments can make your writing more polished.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear stance on the topic.

task achievement

You offer logical arguments and support main points effectively, which enhances the overall quality of your essay.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Some people think that people who immigrate to a new country should accept the new culture as their own rather than remain in separate minority groups and live in different lifestyles. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?

Some people prefer to carefully plan activities in their free time others think it’s a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your answer?

Some people believe that children at secondary school should be streamed, i.e. taught in classes according to ability, rather than being taught in mixed-ability classes. Do you think the advantages of streaming children at secondary school outweigh the disadvantages?

There are growing demands for fresh water nowadays and this is becoming a global problem. What are the causes and solutions?