Some people think that people who immigrate to a new country should accept the new culture as their own rather than remain in separate minority groups and live in different lifestyles. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #immigrate #country #culture #minority #groups #lifestyles

Some men and women believe that individuals who go abroad to have more acceptable life opportunities should prefer the new culture as their own and they shouldn't diversify the whole society. I totally agree with

this

thought because I believe that they can find a better occupation and educate their children more peacefully.

Firstly

, people immigrate to a new country to have a chance for a better life than they had in their own country. In order to do

this

, they should learn

the

Change the word

their

show examples

native language, culture, and traditions to have more qualified professions.

For example

, individuals who can understand the whole society will be more successful in their occupations because the employers prefer them rather than someone who can not communicate with the folks.

Additionally

, people can't be able to gain more money unless they embrace where they work and who their colleagues are.

On the other hand

, many men and women who go to another country, don't come back to their homeland. They start to build a family in a new environment and have children there.

Therefore

, it is important to accept the new culture because their children can have a better education in

this

way. To explain

this

, adolescents discriminate against other young generations if they are different from themselves.

Hence

, the kids should accept the new lifestyle as their parents do to improve their self-confidence and to have proper friends at school.

Moreover

, it impacts teenagers to find an occupation in the future because of that network. In conclusion, some people think that it is more important to accept a new lifestyle for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

immigrants than

remaining

Change the verb form

to remain

show examples

in separate minority groups. In my opinion, they will have better opportunities when they are used to adopt it.

Submitted by bloodylady on Wed Sep 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Consider refining your paragraph transitions to ensure an even smoother flow between ideas. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' at the beginning of a paragraph to introduce further points can be beneficial.

task achievement

While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, aim for more specific examples to illustrate your points further. This could strengthen your arguments and provide greater depth to your essay.

task achievement

Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'people can't be able to gain more money' should be 'people will not be able to earn more money.' Such adjustments can make your writing more polished.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear stance on the topic.

task achievement

You offer logical arguments and support main points effectively, which enhances the overall quality of your essay.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that people who immigrate to a new country should accept the new culture as their own rather than remain in separate minority groups and live in different lifestyles. Do you agree or disagree?

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their studies in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

You are going to visit the town where your friend went to university. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: • explain why you will be visiting the town • give details of where you will be staying • ask your friend to recommend some evening entertainment.

Some people think that the goverment should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource , while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

The quality of health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance.The government is responsible for providing a high level of health care for all its citizens.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.