IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

#people #space #exploration #pride #effort #change #future
It is usually debated that nationwide pride becomes more involved in
space
 exploration than worldwide contributions. I disagree with
this
 belief and I
also
 think there will be many alterations in
space
 research in the near future. On the one hand,
space
 in
specific
Correct word choice
particular
show examples
 or astronomy, in general, is the topic that people give a lot of care to and hope to. For a long time, back to the
second world war
Correct your spelling
Second World War
show examples
, when scientists and technologists went beyond their limits, countries’ talents planned to fight or conquer new environments in the universe for themselves.
For instance
, Yuri Gagarin was the first person to go into
space
while
 the United States had an astronaut named Neil Armstrong - the first man to set foot on the moon. Each country has certain achievements in the field of
space
 so they take fierce pride in their process of dedicating and creating a breakthrough.
On the other hand
,
this
 battle
also
 causes much damage, including deaths, food, and a country's financial impact.
Therefore
, after realizing the magnitude of the losses, the major nations have come together to an agreement and now contribute different elements to create highly efficient
space
 explorations. A good example shows that representatives from America and Russia have cooperated to bring American astronauts to the international
space
 station since 2011. In modern times, the more creative new generations are becoming, the more secrets they keep on their own. The conditions on earth
also
 no longer be the safest and the most ideal for living.
Therefore
, top national researchers never stop learning and broadening their knowledge to raise their country to excel others in the world. In conclusion,
space
 exploration seems to be considered the pride of nations, rather than world production. From my perspective,
this
 statement is opposite to mine as the recent performance is proven, but
this
 could change somehow in the future.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and analysis. It is important to provide more comprehensive and focused ideas rather than just stating the obvious. Provide a balanced view and analyze both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas lacks coherence. The ideas are not well-linked, and the essay lacks depth and development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: