IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that reading stories form a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children to what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is admittedly true that watching
movies
Use synonyms
 and virtual
games
Use synonyms
 has become popular among
children
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while
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 reading
books
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 is crucial for enhancing their
knowledge
Use synonyms
.In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine
this
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 question from my point of view and give relevant examples and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
this
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 statement. On the one hand, A
group
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 of people choose
books
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 reading because
learning
Wrong verb form
they are learn
show examples
 new
knowledge
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 every day.
Knowledge
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 is a powerful tool for every person which cannot be bought or destroyed by anyone.
However
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, reading
books
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 lots of benefits among them brain exercise, critical
think
Replace the word
thinking
show examples
 or creative thinking, gaining
knowledge
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, knowing about the world so on.
For example
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,
according to
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 recent data, approximately 300 Indian
children
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 below the age of 16 had 3 groups, one
group
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 of
children
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 allowed
for watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
movies
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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another
group
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 of
children
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 only
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 computer
games
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as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 the
last
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group
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 only read
books
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 every day .
On
Change preposition
From
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 January 1(the start of the research and the end 30 days later) to February 1, 30 days later,
children
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 (who read
books
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) can write a story, and
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their story quality amazed people
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the other two groups.
On the other hand
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, playing virtual
games
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 and watching
movies
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 with
children
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 is creative .
For example
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, puzzle
games
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 help to develop
children
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's brains and
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they can make critical decisions.
For instance
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, watching is good entertainment for
children
Use synonyms
 but not for
knowledge
Use synonyms
 because science fiction
movies
Use synonyms
 can not understand
children
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I firmly believe reading
books
Use synonyms
 is better than watching
movies
Use synonyms
 and computer
games
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, book reading an ancient study system and
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people love that system compared to other systems. Computer
games
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 and watching
movies
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 for entertainment ,so that's why I would prefer to
children
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 read
books
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Inadequate use of relevant specific examples. Ensure that the examples provided directly support the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved. The flow of ideas is not well connected within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence.
lexical resource
There is a need to expand the range of vocabulary and use more appropriate and varied expressions. Use synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and collocations to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The sentences exhibit a mix of simple and complex structures, but there are frequent errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Work on sentence variety and accuracy to improve grammatical range.
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