Some people believe that reading stories form a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children to what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is admittedly true that watching
movies
and virtual
games
has become popular among
children
while
reading
books
is crucial for enhancing their
knowledge
.In
this
essay, I am going to examine
this
question from my point of view and give relevant examples and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree with
this
statement. On the one hand, A
group
of people choose
books
reading because
learning
Wrong verb form
they are learn
show examples
new
knowledge
every day.
Knowledge
is a powerful tool for every person which cannot be bought or destroyed by anyone.
However
, reading
books
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
lots of benefits among them brain exercise, critical
think
Replace the word
thinking
show examples
or creative thinking, gaining
knowledge
, knowing about the world so on.
For example
,
according to
recent data, approximately 300 Indian
children
below the age of 16 had 3 groups, one
group
of
children
allowed
for watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
movies
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
another
group
of
children
only
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
computer
games
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the
last
group
only read
books
every day .
On
Change preposition
From
show examples
January 1(the start of the research and the end 30 days later) to February 1, 30 days later,
children
(who read
books
) can write a story, and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their story quality amazed people
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to the other two groups.
On the other hand
, playing virtual
games
and watching
movies
with
children
is creative .
For example
, puzzle
games
help to develop
children
's brains and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they can make critical decisions.
For instance
, watching is good entertainment for
children
but not for
knowledge
because science fiction
movies
can not understand
children
. In my opinion, I firmly believe reading
books
is better than watching
movies
and computer
games
.
To sum up
, book reading an ancient study system and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people love that system compared to other systems. Computer
games
and watching
movies
for entertainment ,so that's why I would prefer to
children
read
books
.
Submitted by muhammadnaim194196 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Inadequate use of relevant specific examples. Ensure that the examples provided directly support the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved. The flow of ideas is not well connected within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence.
lexical resource
There is a need to expand the range of vocabulary and use more appropriate and varied expressions. Use synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and collocations to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The sentences exhibit a mix of simple and complex structures, but there are frequent errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Work on sentence variety and accuracy to improve grammatical range.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!