IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#society #people #schools #children #study #home #internet
It has been frequently argued that the government need not build any buildings for the schooling of youngsters as they could conveniently attain knowledge from online websites. I completely disagree with the statement as traditional ways of education
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 their own benefits and the same
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, schools are like a second home for children as they
spent
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spend
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 most of their time there,
subsequently
, they hold high importance in the
life
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lives
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 of young ones and play an important role in the upbringing of kids.
Initially
, they could learn fundamental
etiquettes
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etiquette
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, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential for their whole
life
.
For instance
, they learn about time management and its importance because they have to attend classes daily and make submissions for assignments prior to deadlines.
Besides
, learners could have direct interaction with tutors and solve their queries with a variety of methods in less time as sometimes it takes days to get solutions for the questions posted online.
Furthermore
, learning institutes assist students in a plethora of ways to acquire necessary skills.
Firstly
, they have to work collectively in teams with classmates for various projects, in fact, it is fruitful for their professional
life
 as well.
For example
, business firms provide opportunities to employees, who could perform better individually and in a team,
thus
, these skills are quite useful for them.
Also
, they could enjoy and play with companions
while
 learning,
however
, it might not be possible when they stay home.
Consequently
, they would find studies boring as they have no fun with learning. In conclusion, there is no doubt schools play a vital role in nurturing youngsters as they
taught
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teach
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 them about essential capabilities required in their
life
, provide interesting ways to acquire education, and experienced teachers to make it better.
Submitted by lavisharma622 on

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task response
Make sure to address the specific points of the prompt and provide a clear stance on the issue. Your essay has addressed the importance of traditional schooling, but it lacks a clear stance on whether schools are becoming unnecessary in the face of online education.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas and arguments in a clearer, more structured manner. The essay lacks a clear overall structure and the link between ideas is not always clear.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and try to use more precise and varied lexical resources. Avoid repetition and aim for a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on your sentence structure, accuracy, and variety. Be mindful of subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and punctuation.
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