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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions
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These days, with the advance of globalization,
education
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 has
been
Verb problem
become
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 increasingly popular among
people
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.
While
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 some individuals assume that
education
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 is aimed
to aid
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at aiding
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 a person in becoming a helpful member of society,
others
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 believe that it is a crucial part of obtaining their personal goals.
This
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 essay will discuss both views of the argument and I will give my own perspective. On the one hand, many
people
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 argue that
education
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 is meant to help individuals to be beneficial for society. To be specific, students will someday be part of a community,
therefore
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, they need the skills to exist within that society as thoughtful citizens.
For instance
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, an individual may become a politician, so he or she needs to be equipped with a variety of
knowledge
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 to tackle society’s problems.
Moreover
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,
education
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 can give
people
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 opportunities to transfer their
knowledge
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 to
others
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.
For example
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, students who
are understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
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 the language can go to the orphanage house to voluntarily teach children there.
As a result
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,
people
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 will likely become more connected with each other.
On the other hand
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,
others
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 believe that the purpose of
education
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 is
for assisting
Change preposition
to assist
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 individuals to reach their personal dreams. It can be seen clearly that
people
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 who are equipped with the
knowledge
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 and skills they need are likely to obtain a promising job.
For instance
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, if an individual wants to be a lawyer, he or she should attend a formal
education
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 to get
knowledge
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 and finny could be certified to be the profession he or she wants to be.
Moreover
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, different
people
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 will have different objectives in their lives, and to achieve that,
education
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 is an indispensable element for
people
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. In conclusion, though some groups of
people
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 have their own perspectives about the purpose of
education
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, I believe it depends on one's preference. If you tend to work socially you definitely should get an
education
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 and work for
others
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.
Besides
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, if you have your own goals, you should reach them through
education
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.
Submitted by tranthanhvan2409 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion lack sufficient elaboration and clear summarization of the main points. The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear and needs improvement in the organization of ideas.
task response
The response adequately addresses the given prompt and presents relevant ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion should be more developed, and the logical structure of the essay needs to be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
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