IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph depicts the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of residents living in urban areas from four different Asian countries between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970 to 2020 with the future assumption of the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, Malaysia is having
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
 percentage of population
till
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 2020 and it is
also
Linking Words
 forecasted to be maximum in future.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 Philippines gradually increased
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of citizens in the
year
Use synonyms
 1990 at 50%,
while
Linking Words
, it dramatically sunk in the
year
Use synonyms
 2020 at 40%,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the years 2030 and
2040
Add a comma
,2040
show examples
 it was predicted to reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
55% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, Thailand’s occupants were not consistent and in the
year
Use synonyms
2020
Add a comma
,2020
show examples
 it was only at 25%, even though after two decades it
forecasted
Add a missing verb
was forecasted
show examples
 to be doubled.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Malaysia
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
overtook
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and reach
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 peak in the
year
Use synonyms
 2020 at 75% of people living in
this
Linking Words
 city,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it was projected to surge more
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 85% in the years 2030 and 2040 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Indonesia
also
Linking Words
 overtook
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 population growth of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two cities which are
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and Thailand in the
year
Use synonyms
 2020 at 50% and assumed to reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60% in the years 2030 and 2040 respectively.
Submitted by pooja22nov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: