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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a childrens charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a childrens charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.
#amount #money #childrens #charity #usa #year
The pie charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the amount of
revenue
 and expenditures in 2016
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for a
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 charity n the
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
.calibration of date in percentage.
overall
,the total amount of
income
 was just to cover the expenditures.
morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,donated food made the highest share
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 total
income
while
 the maximum money
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 program service.
To begin
 with,donated food provided the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
revenue
 for the charity at 86%.
similarly
,with compare to expenditures , program services,
calculated
Add a missing verb
were calculated
show examples
 for nearly all of the outgoings at 95.8%. the other categories were much smaller community
contibutions
Correct your spelling
contributions
 were the second largest
revenue
 source,
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 in 10.4%.
overall
income
 and followed by program
revenue
 at 22%.in additional investment
income
 the government grants and other
income
 were decreased
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
revenue
 accounting only for 0.8% combined. in conclusion only two other expenditure items, fundraising and management with
aslight
Correct your spelling
a slight
slight
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 both accounting for2.6% and1.6% respectively.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, income with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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