IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
The line charts give the
diffenreces
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
 between 1920 and 2019 in the percentage of households with electrical appliances and the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
hours
 of housework per week, per household. As can be seen in the first chart given, in general, from 1920 to 2019 the data shows us that it was an upward trend. In 1920, no one had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
refrigerator
, but in the next 20 years, we had a significant increase from 0 to 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and became the
machine
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the owner was in the second place.
Besides
 that, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
wasing
Correct your spelling
washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40 and 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively in 1920 and in 1940
this
number
 slightly rose from 40 to 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and from 30 to 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
.
It is clear that
 in 1960 people could see the speed growth of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 from 50 to 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and the
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner continued to increase from 50 to 70 and the quantity of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 was slow
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 as the same
number
 of
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
, from 60 to 70
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. In 1980, the
number
 of
refrigerator
Change to a plural noun
refrigerators
show examples
 reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and at the same time, the
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner had
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 than the washing
machine
 at 90 and 62
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. In 2000 and 2019, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refrigerator
 was
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 and the
number
 of
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 reached the top in 2000 and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
gradually
Change the word
gradual
show examples
 in 2019 but the owner of
washing
Add an article
the washing
a washing
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 between 2000 and 2019 mildly increased from 70 to 72
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Thanks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 modern technology, from 1920 to 1960, the time that people
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housework
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased from 50 to 20
hours
 per week. From 1960 to 1980,
this
 figure had a slight fall from 20 to 12
hours
 and the next 20 years didn’t have any changes, but after 19 years it continued
decline
Add the particle
to decline
show examples
 from 12 to 10
hours
.
Overall
, we can see if the data of the owner of the machines
such
 as
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 or
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 had rapidly increased, the
number
 of
hours
 of housework per week has suddenly decreased.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, refrigerator, percent, machine, number, vaccum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: