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Band 4.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
The amount of
sugar
 in the
ingridients
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 of the snacks and drinks is very high which is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the thousand health issues that can
cause
Wrong verb form
be caused
show examples
 by
this
. So, to tackle the problem
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 should, not only put a higher price on the products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 tell
people
 about the detrimental effects that it
cause
, to avoid using them that much. I
am absolutely agree
Change the verb form
absolutely agree
show examples
 with that opinion and I think it can work in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 developed society.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
 can
cause
 many illnesses during the lifespan.
Furthermore
, as a person
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
show examples
 a
sugar
 fall calorific approximately
about
Rephrase
apply
show examples
one and a half of the cup of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
flow
Correct subject-verb agreement
flows
show examples
 to his body. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the body
is not necessarily want
Change the verb form
does not necessarily want
show examples
 that much amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
 it turns
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fat.
Moreover
, it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 blood pressure and without any benefits.
Although
, there is a
nutritions
Change the noun form
nutrition
show examples
 box on each product
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they hardly ever tell the truth and because of their profits they tricked
people
 who are not
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
show examples
.
Besides
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 do not take a glance
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 when they want to buy goods in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supermarkets. But, in the UK there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several
advertisement
Change to a plural noun
advertisements
show examples
 to encourage
people
 not to eat unhealthy foods.
In addition
, they have made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy products prices
such
 as milk much cheaper than chips,
for example
.
On the other hand
, because of the industrial benefits which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumerism. It was a crazy idea when the government
attempt
Replace the word
attempted
show examples
 to solve
this
 problem by using that risky method. Most of the researchers said that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 than before are struggling with these health problems which is a big triumph in
this
 new decade.
Additionally
, we have more professional athletes who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a huge inspiration source for
people
 to have a healthy lifestyle and use
sugar
-free snacks during the day to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their nutritional gaps. In conclusion, the overuse of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
 in
this
 century is a big deal for both governments and
people
. So, that would be great to see the cooperation between both
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 and governments to use
this
 method in order to motivate
people
 to be healthier and make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more qualified.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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