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Band 5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
It is indisputable that
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 have a great impact on our daily life since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be used for various tasks, including making calls and sending messages. Some people believe that governments should have
a
Remove the article
apply
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full access to our data for safety purposes,
while
 others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that it is
a personal
Remove the article
personal information
a piece of personal information
show examples
information
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot be deployed for any strangers.
Thus
, in
this
 essay, I will analyse both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and draw my personal opinion. Countries nowadays are attacked by different electronic fraud
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may invade
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 personal
information
 and exploit it for illegal reasons.
In other words
, it can be used to attack countries or identify
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of data to harm
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national security,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
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information
 related to the military or the local economy.
In addition
, terrorism is one of the prominent issues that appear in the current political status.
Thus
, national security organizations should monitor all phone users in the country to prevent any risk
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
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 endanger their land. On the other end of the scale, as a part of human rights, any individual has the freedom to perform any activity as long as it doesn't affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other humans'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
In other words
, nations
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can make conversations and send
masseges
Correct your spelling
messages
 in a confidential way.
In addition
, accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal data may lead to feeling
insecured
Correct your spelling
insecure
 or
endanger
Wrong verb form
endangered
show examples
, merely if you give an opinion or a criticism
aganist
Correct your spelling
against
 the current situation in your community. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, after analyzing both
persepectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
, I strongly advocate that the freedom of opinion and performing personal activities are essential elements for any resident to feel
secured
Change the form of the verb
secure
show examples
 in his country.
Thus
, governments should take
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
 from residents to access their
information
.
Submitted by aya88.issa on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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