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Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In recent times,
children
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 tend to devote prolonged hours to their
smartphones
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everyday
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every day
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. In my perspective, there are several factors which result in
this
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 phenomenon and the act of abusing
smartphones
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 in
children
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 may develop negative impacts in the long term.
Firstly
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, as social media are spreading rapidly
as well as
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 those entertainment platforms are being upgraded to be more ubiquitous to the public, numerous apps with attractive designs have been invented to serve
human’s
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human
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entertaining
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entertainment
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 purposes.
As a consequence
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,
children
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 can simply get access to the digital environment
as well as
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 online games, where they are likely to be impressed by the appealing designs of these platforms,
hence
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 they will have
higher
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a higher
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 probability of being addicted to
smartphones
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 or more specifically
being indulge
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being indulged
indulging
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 in playing games.
Moreover
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, the lack of parental supervision may
also
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 be the primary factor. As
children
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 are not aware of curbing their playing times,
as well as
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 their cognition about the harm of misusing
smartphones
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, they will continue their progress on the phones if parental interruption is not involved.
This
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 phenomenon will spark severe consequences
on
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for
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children
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 in several aspects.
Firstly
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, abusing
smartphones
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 is hazardous to their eyesight as they are exposed to harmful rays derived from the phone screen, in the long term it even leads to some detrimental
disease
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diseases
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 not only related to optic health but
also
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 their entire body.
Furthermore
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, misusing
smartphones
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 will hinder
children
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 from taking part in social activities or socializing with their loved ones and friends.
Thus
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 they will have a higher probability of sustaining from depression or mental issues
as a result
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 of the lack of interacting with the outer environment. In conclusion,
this
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 phenomenon is getting more and more severe, with many factors which contribute to
this
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 situation. Considering those aforementioned consequences, some actions should be taken to alleviate the problems.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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