IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is a perception that ladies should concentrate more on babysitting rather than
adopting
Verb problem
pursuing
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 professional careers in their lives because they manage their
kids
Use synonyms
 in a better manner. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea of gender suppression as raising
kids
Use synonyms
 is not gender gender-related job and would result in the economic fall of the current economy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the impact of
women
Use synonyms
's elimination from professional jobs for the sake of their
children
Check wording
children's
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look after
Verb problem
care
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. The first reason to contradict the
feminine dominant
Use the right word
feminine-dominant
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 childcare idea is that it is not a gender-related job.
Men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 equally qualify for
this
Linking Words
 role
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
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 on who is more capable of handling the issues of their
kids
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
men
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 are more tolerant and cool-minded as compared to their female partners
who
Punctuation problem
, who
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 sometimes get irritated
on
Change preposition
over
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 minor things.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , there is no reason to credit
women
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 role if
men
Use synonyms
 have more potential to do the same. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 contradiction is the national economy, where
women
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 play a vital role.
Similarly
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,
women
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 sometimes prove
more
Verb problem
to be more
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 talented and critical thinkers as compared to
men
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 in certain jobs.
For example
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, if you disregard the female Nobel prize winners who contribute to the field of biology and science, we will find ourselves decades away from our technological growth.
Therefore
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, discrediting them from
the job
Check wording
their
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 career would not only affect the economy of the country but
also
Linking Words
 create an inferiority complex in them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, raising
kids
Use synonyms
 is not related to either
men
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 or
women
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it should be a mutual understanding between both.

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strength
Your view is clear from the start, you say you disagree with the idea.
advice
Add more facts and examples to back your point and link them to your main idea.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
idea
You give some reasons to back your view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary caregivers
  • biological factors
  • maternal instincts
  • nurturing
  • workforce
  • career growth
  • income equality
  • family dynamics
  • shared responsibility
  • gender stereotypes
  • economic disparities
  • traditional roles
  • modern family
  • active roles in childcare
  • opportunity and support
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