IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Writing task 2 Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#experts #children #language #school
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the importance of learning new languages. It is undeniable that multilingualism
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 become an essential part of our life.
Nevertheless
, there is no absolute agreement on whether foreign language should be taught at primary
school
 or secondary
school
. A commonly held belief is that it is better to learn a language in elementary
school
. As evidence of
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they point out that
this
 is the period when children can easily gain information.
Furthermore
, they store the data deep in
Correct article usage
the hypocalamus
show examples
hypocalamus
Correct your spelling
hypothalamus
, which is a part of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 responsible for storing. It could be explained by the fact that youngsters have not explored the whole world yet.
As a result
, it leads to the fact that there is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 much knowledge in their minds and it is easier to remember fresh material.
On the other hand
, some individuals claim that studying in secondary
school
 is much more beneficial.
For instance
, they may mention that primary
school
 students do not comprehend its purpose.
In addition
, secondary
school
 students know the importance of
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
. The explanation lies in the fact that mature
adolscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 can take the subject seriously.
Therefore
, the study is more effective when
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
appropriately. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that secondary
school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 could learn a language better
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than younger students, since they have a correct approach to study.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: