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Band 4.5

Many factors motivate people in the workplace. Of these, money is the most important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#factors #people #workplace #money
It is irrefutable that
money
 is
from
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apply
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the most essential
incentives
Fix the agreement mistake
incentive
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 that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 people want to do
work
. But other factors are involved in the
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
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 motivation to complete their
work
. I disagree with
notion
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the notion
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 that states
money
 is the most
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 part for workers, and will support my opinion with arguments. No one can deny that monetary motive is important in
work
. We live in
materialistic
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a materialistic
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 world that
cherish
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cherishes
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 wealthy individuals.
This
 is because better
well off
Add a hyphen
well-off
show examples
 folks can influence others and have anything they want.
Furthermore
, the clout
possesed
Correct your spelling
possessed
 by rich people is considered a blessing that
everbody
Correct your spelling
everybody
want
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wants
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 to have.
having
Capitalize word
Having
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 plenty of
money
 will give an ease of mind.
you
Capitalize word
You
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 won't have to worry about non-essential things, you will just need to focus on your job and on how to develop it.
On the other hand
, there are other factors that need to be put
in
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into
show examples
 concern.
Firstly
, Passion is what keeps you going on and to advance in
work
, It prevents us from being burnt off, Because if we love what we do, we will be in a state of
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 joy.
Secondly
, having
work-life
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a work-life
show examples
 balance is advantageous point,
this
 is
due to
 being satisfied and not being stressed out
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to more creativity in
work
.
for
Capitalize word
For
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 instance, Elon
musk
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Musk
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 who is one of the richest people on the globe once said that all the
money
 he
accquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from having a creative and relaxed mind which
consequentely
Correct your spelling
consequently
 comes from having
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 life. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that having a lucrative job is vital and crucial, but there are other aspects to be put
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mind in order to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compensation
  • Incentives
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work ethic
  • Performance-based bonuses
  • Recognition
  • Employee retention
  • Career advancement
  • Work-life balance
  • Monetary vs. non-monetary rewards
  • Gig economy
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Team cohesion
  • Organizational culture
  • Professional development
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