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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011
#percentage #population #age #groups #town #bicycles
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The given table portrays information regarding the percentage of cyclists in a particular area categorised by the
age
Use synonyms
 range of 2011. It is immediately noticeable that the number of women who rode
a bicycles
Correct the article-noun agreement
bicycles
a bicycle
show examples
 had been dominated by all the
age
Use synonyms
 groups, which
is outrace
Wrong verb form
outraced
show examples
 the opposite gender during the period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, their
age
Use synonyms
 between 20-
39
Correct word choice
and 39
show examples
 experienced almost double in bicycle usage of men. A closer inspection of the trend illustrates that
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-
9 years old
Correct your spelling
9-year-old
 population accounted for the majority
rode
Change preposition
of rode
show examples
 number of bycycles when compared to the other
age
Use synonyms
 groups for just over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half, which is similar among
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 (52.5% and 51.2%).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lowest occupied by old adults
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged between 40-59 approximately 13.7% and 9.3% respectively.
Linking Words
Accordingly
Add a comma
,Accordingly
show examples
 the second on the rank
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
adolestcents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 aged 10-19, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly
vary
Wrong verb form
varied
show examples
 in the amount towards sex around 43.6% and 25.1%
succesively
Correct your spelling
successively
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 aged 20-39
also
Linking Words
 had a huge gap
different
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
between
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 by nearly
one fold
Add a hyphen
one-fold
show examples
 (18.2% and 10.8%) and it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
continuausly
Correct your spelling
continuously
continually
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 from the
intailly
Correct your spelling
initial
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 for both groups.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, 60+ had moderately increased in
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 gender.
Submitted by Amp on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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