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Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #people #population #governments #society
It is true that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 at staggering rates around the globe.
Although
 it can cause additional problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the government, I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
such
tendency
Correct article usage
a tendency
show examples
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
 the disadvantages. On the one hand,
ageing
Add an article
an ageing
show examples
population
 can be devastating for the economy of a country and create extra expenditures. Since old
people
 are usually retired, so they do not contribute to the upturn in economic growth, but
otherwise
, waste
Correct article usage
the countrie’s
show examples
countrie’s
Correct your spelling
country’s
countries
 budget on their monthly payments.
Moreover
,
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 cases when
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
person is abandoned by his family,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 takes responsibility for his provision.
For example
,
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
 many nations spend numerous healthcare, financial,
workforce
Correct word choice
and workforce
show examples
 resources on
fundating
Correct your spelling
funding
fun dating
 elderly houses.
Thus
, as more
population
 will live longer, more resources will be exploited
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
such
 purposes.
On the other hand
, elderly
people
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of experience under their belt, which can be useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development. Old
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of wisdom and knowledge, which can be shared with new generations.
As a result
,
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 will be more considerable and fundamental, taking into account all possible hazards.
Moreover
, living longer was an impossible desire of
people
 and a major reason to establish countries. So
people
 should appreciate the fact that they can spend more time with their close
people
.
Hence
,
this
 tendency will lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 surge in the level of
happinest
Correct your spelling
happiness
 worldwide.
To conclude
,
although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population
 is a financial burden, it still will benefit our society in terms of cultural values and
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 demands in
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 lifespan.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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