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Band 7.5

In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people in many countries. Is this a positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development
Some people claim that the number of elderly will overwhelm that of younger people soon in some parts of the world. From the economic perspective, I do believe that
this
 phenomenon will result in some serious consequences, which are related to the pressure on the government and domestic growth. First and foremost, it is undeniable that the older managers serve for a company, the more valuable experiences and lessons are passed down through descendants.
However
, there will be a significant shortage of young workers in some areas, especially in heavy industries since those middle-aged do not provide enough physical well-being.
Therefore
, the government may come up with an alternative by importing foreign workers, which will even cost a higher budget for language and academic training.
For example
, the circumstance of lacking young employees become so worse and worse in Japan that the authorities can help but launch labour-importing schemes from Southeast Asia to meet the domestic demand.
In addition
, if a country’s population pyramid surges in the sector of people aged 60 years old or older, the government may be burdened with public healthcare. It is obvious that the financial ability of a 60-year-old or older is nowhere as strong as youngsters, which means that the elderly might mostly depend on subsidies and insurance.
Hence
, the authorities need to share the pressure with old residents whenever they suffer from serious diseases by providing free medicines or even constructing more hospitals. Again with Japan, which is dealing with an ageing population, the nation has tried its best to recover the economy since its expenditures are spent considerably on public services. In conclusion,
although
 the older generations play an important role in the whole society as they are experienced and wise, the phenomenon of outnumbering the young will pose some pressure on the authorities in terms of budgets.
Submitted by Pham Thi An Thu on

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task response
Provide a balanced view of both positive and negative aspects of the situation to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Create stronger topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay effectively.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to demonstrate lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure complexity and accuracy to improve grammatical range.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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