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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, people sleep less because of the work, they spend long time in offices and focus on their future career

#people #work #time #offices #focus #future #career
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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 sleep less because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work, they spend
long
Change the article
a long
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 time in offices and focus on their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
However
Linking Words
, not receiving enough energy from sleep can lead to stress. I believe that insufficient amount of sleep can affect
on
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
’s health,
productivity
Correct word choice
and productivity
show examples
 at work. On the one hand, one of the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 sleep less is the mobile phones.
People
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 use electric devices before going to sleep disturb their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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. In simple words, for better sleep, it is necessary to put your phone away and let your brain relax and prepare for sleep,
otherwise
Linking Words
,
it’s
Replace the word
its
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 activity would be continued and falling asleep would be a challenge.
For example
Linking Words
, scientists conducted
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
 experiment with two groups,
first
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the first
show examples
 group went to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bed without using
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
 and another group
was using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
. The results showed that
people
Use synonyms
 who used their devices had problems with their sleep,
Correct word choice
while other
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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got enough sleep. On another hand, it can
also
Linking Words
 affect
on
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
 around them. The tiredness can cause a stressful atmosphere, which affects
on
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
’s mood.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the aggressor can shout
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
people
Use synonyms
 and be very annoyed.
For example
Linking Words
,
worker’s
Correct article usage
a worker’s
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 bad mood
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their on
his on
her on
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on
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 their
colleagues
Change to a genitive case
colleague's
colleagues'
show examples
 spirit.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, it can reduce their productivity. In conclusion, I think everyone should get enough sleep and rest. Because,
this
Linking Words
 influence not only on
people
Use synonyms
’s behavior, it
also
Linking Words
 affects on their relationships.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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