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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the changes in the places where people used to surf the Internet in the years 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the changes in the places where people used to surf the Internet in the years 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The column chart depicts a survey about where British people used to surf the
internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 over the period between 1998 and 2004, all figures are percentages of the total.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, browsing from home was the highest throughout the period,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the library was the least. There was no surprise that people spent most of their time on the
Internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 at
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
home, with slightly above 50% of the total in 1998 and 2004.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 percentage slightly decreased in 2000 and 2002 (48% and 50% respectively). Work came in second place with a little below 30% of the total between 1998 and 2002, and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 in 2004, there was a large drop of about 10% in
internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 usage at work.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the proportion of pupils who used the
Internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in college remained fairly constant throughout the period with nearly 20%. Except in 2002, when a small increase to 22% was observed. In 2004, it returned to below 20%. The library was the smallest of all, with 11% in 1998, and increased about two-fold in 2000, declined again to 15% in 2002 and remained the same in 2004.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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