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Band 5

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organisations #outweigh
Nowadays, the Use of social media and browsers has increased our private
information
 on the internet and companies like Facebook and Twitter have more control over them. I personally believe that it has more disadvantages than the advantages. Everything has two sides. On one side, Large companies use
this
information
 to improve search and preference.
For example
, If we search for a shot floral dress
then
 using that
information
 will give us better choices than before. The
information
 that we used to train our model can give us better results than the traditional methods. Collective data can be used to produce better marketing models and increase profit of the businesses On the other side, As large data are collected about ourselves. We are not sure what data is stored how and where
this
information
 is being used.
Additionally
,
this
information
 is sold without our consent and that leads to higher spam.
Furthermore
, we fall prey to advertisements,
For instance
, when I searched for a purse on the Internet, I got all the ads on purses even though I didn't want to spend money on them. I end up spending money.
To conclude
, Everything has pros and cons. As I mentioned above, the processing of our
information
 is in a blind spot. So I think it's not a good thing to have private
information
 over the Internet. I would suggest that if the use of
information
 is transparent
then
 it will be good.
Submitted by prarthana181k on

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Task Response
The essay requires a clearer analysis of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The response does not entirely address the task and lacks a clear position on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure is generally clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the development of ideas lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas could be more logically linked together, and the essay would benefit from stronger transitions between points.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource is adequate, but the use of vocabulary and collocations could be improved to express ideas more precisely. Additionally, a wider range of vocabulary would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammar and sentence structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies. A more varied and accurate use of complex structures would elevate the quality of the language.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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