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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#families #people #trend
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It is widely found that the family relationship plays a less important role in human growth.
This
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 situation is caused by several reasons. I personally opine that
this
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 tendency has more cons than pros. There are various reasons that individuals are much less close to their parents and siblings by time being.
Firstly
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, humans can move to other cities even outside of their own countries easily through the development of transportation. They become physically distant from their homes, and it reduces their visits and communications to folks at home.
Secondly
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, we pay increased attention to our personal life improvement.
Furthermore
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, it will decrease our time spent on family activities.
Finally
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, modern communications replaced traditional family interactions.
For example
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, people use phone calls and instant messages to send their greetings and wishes to their relatives,
instead
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 of festival parties or event gatherings. Even though these new connection tools make our links to families easier, they cannot take over the significance of face-to-face communication. I believe there are more negativities over positivities when family members are less connected. It is harmful to our mental wellings if the connection with family is seldom. In recent times, an increasing number of human beings have been suffering from mental diseases
such
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 as anxiety from study and work, stress from interpersonal relationships with colleagues,
as well as
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 loneliness from being apart from parents. With the support of family members, they can speak out about their problems and difficulties without any concerns, and it can help them to feel relieved. Individuals might decide wrongly on big life events. We were raised by parents and grew up with siblings in the family, and they understand our personality and full background.
Therefore
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, people can obtain effective and objective advice on critical commitments,
for instance
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, job selection
as well as
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 handling of intimacy. In the end, the root causes that human beings become less interactive with their families, can be physical distance, focus more on private life and the modern evolution of social links. The tendency of family relationships is obvious, but I agree more disadvantages are produced
along with
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 it.
Submitted by shaojiedang on

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coherence and cohesion
The logic of the essay is generally clear and the ideas are well-supported. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit in presenting the main points and addressing the theme of the essay.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task effectively, providing relevant reasons for the phenomenon of distant family relationships and discussing the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. However, the ideas could be presented in a more comprehensive and cohesive manner to further enhance the task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Geographical mobility
  • Generational differences
  • Individual independence
  • Personal growth
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural traditions
  • Familial support systems
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