IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#smoker #places
trend
Add an article
the trend
show examples
 of smoking in public places
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has proliferated over
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 few years.
A various
Correct article usage
Various
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 of
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
 on
this
 undisputed issue suggest a ban on
this
 trend as it can have detrimental effects on youth and society as a whole. I opine with
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 notion, and a concrete answer is given below. It is extremely imperative to keep
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 clean,
however
, some
people
 choose to light a
cigarrete
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 in public places.
Firstly
, tobacco is a chemical which emits harmful fumes in fresh air when burnt.
Also
, a disturbing odour is left behind in surroundings which
people
 inhale.
In other words
, passive-smoking is done when non-smokers breathe injurious fumes
emmited
Correct your spelling
emitted
 through
such
 products leading to serious
side-effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
show examples
 on
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body.
Secondly
, leftover
cigarretes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 are
disposed
Add the preposition
ofdisposed
show examples
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
 in open
sorroundings
Correct your spelling
surroundings
 which results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an increase in Global waste. A good illustration of
this
 is, a recent survey conducted by "
Global
Correct article usage
The Global
show examples
 Waste Management Institute"
depicts
Correct pronoun usage
which depicts
show examples
 a hike in undisposable substances by 1.13% every year which leads to Global Warming.
E-cigarretes
Correct your spelling
E-cigarettes
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
captured a vast market
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays.
In addition
,
vape
Fix the agreement mistake
vaping
show examples
 has become common
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 youths and
people
 smoke it irrespective of their age.
This
 has a direct impact on
respiratory
Correct article usage
the respiratory
show examples
 systems of teenagers.
People
 smoking
this
 attractive device in public influence non-smokers and they land up in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 category.
According to
 a recent study by "
Health
Correct article usage
The Health
show examples
 Institute" sales of vapes
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 burgeoned by 23%
since
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two years, and
this
 trend will
potentionally
Correct your spelling
potentially
 increase in future.
To conclude
, it is a contentious topic,
however
, some corrective measures
such
 as building smoking places in public areas
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 smokers can help control
this
 issue and can benefit society as
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
.
Submitted by harshveermangat141 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: