IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children need to be taught at school how to use their money. Do you agree with this opinion?

#people #children #school #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 should educate youngsters about using their
money
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, providing information on
money
Use synonyms
 management to
students
Use synonyms
 at
schools
Use synonyms
 can help them in future.
However
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 should give priority towards developing
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 skills of
students
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, teaching about
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 will prepare
students
Use synonyms
 to effectively manage their
money
Use synonyms
, when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start earning after high school. To elaborate, learning to
use
Use synonyms
 and manage
money
Use synonyms
 will help adolescents to stay on their budget
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 managing earnings,
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
, and savings.
Additionally
Linking Words
, gaining
knowledge
Use synonyms
 on how to
use
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 will motivate
students
Use synonyms
 to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on productive things like education and excursions
instead
Linking Words
 of buying expensive materialistic things
such
Linking Words
 as branded clothes and technological gadgets.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, secondary school
students
Use synonyms
 attain
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about how their decision to
use
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their future,
such
Linking Words
 as spending on books will lead towards success, whilst spending on drugs will destroy their future. Contrarily,
schools
Use synonyms
 should focus towards enhancing
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 and numeracy skills of
students
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 should provide in-depth
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about academics to prepare
students
Use synonyms
 for employment, business, and social work.
Because if
Correct word choice
If
show examples
students
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pay
entire
Correct word choice
full
show examples
 attention towards academics, they can beat the growing competition for success.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if adults
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain vast
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
 in school, ultimately, they will build up their life skills
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 management without the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any specific lesson.
As
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Mathematics, Economics,
as well as
Linking Words
Commerce
Add the comma(s)
,Commerce
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 directly linked with numbers and deal with concepts like superannuation, business, profit, loss, etcetera.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I fervently believe that educational institutions should enhance
students
Use synonyms
’
knowledge
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how to
use
Use synonyms
 their
money
Use synonyms
 in an effective way.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the focus of
schools
Use synonyms
 should be towards developing
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 to prepare them for higher education.
Submitted by varindervarinder1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: