IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, more and more people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation. What problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and society? Give reasons and make suggestions

#countries #people #school #jobs #graduation #youth #unemployment #society #suggestions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 young unemployment threatens numerous societies, its effects can
also
 be combated successfully.
This
 essay will elaborate on some of the effects caused by young unemployment on society and suggest some solutions to the problem. Young unemployment has already had some damaging impacts on individuals and society. In individual terms, it puts a financial burden on
people
 who do not have jobs. They are unable to afford basic needs
such
 as utility and accommodation.
Hence
, they have to rely on their family and drown in stress. In terms of society, businesses are unable to find suitable candidates for their position.
Due to
skills
 mismatch, there are millions of young
people
 graduating and are ready to work, but businesses need
skills
 those young
people
 never got.
Consequently
, old employees will be overloaded when they have to cover more work. Since
such
 issues are serious, governments and educators should take steps immediately to address those problems. The first solution would be providing
education
 and training programs. These programs include employability
skills
, job hunting, interviewing, entrepreneurship, and vocational
education
 can bring initiatives or extracurricular instruction that can focus on anything the young
people
 need.
Thus
, it can tackle the
skills
 gap of young
people
. The second measure would be training
skills
 matching. Given the fact that businesses are suffering from a
skills
 mismatch; thereby, they need to promote appropriate
education
 and skill-building for young
people
 from an early age.
Therefore
, the private sector, government and
education
 systems need to start collaborating to determine what knowledge and
skills
 young
people
 should be taught.
As a result
, after young individuals graduate, they are able to find their rewarding work, which helps them reach their maximum potential. In conclusion, there are various negative consequences of being unable to find jobs after graduation and appropriate steps consisting of training
skills
 matching and providing
education
 and training programs need to be taken to tackle these problems.
Submitted by huyquang17406 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Use more specific examples to support your points and make your ideas more clear and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good and the introduction and conclusion are present. However, use more linking words and cohesive devices to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: