Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays with the advent of computers and robotics, we've found ourselves surrounded by all these new tools that
makes
our lives easier. Change the verb form
make
Although
we are not fully aware of how much our existence depend
on these technologies, without them we are going to have a tough time even finding our way through our town. Some people argue that the young generations really need to learn important abilities Change the verb form
depends
such
as fixing the car when it heats up, or even micro-manage
your money when you are in a Verb problem
micro-managing
har
financial situation without consulting all these fancy finance applications. I totally agree with them and personally believe we need special programs just to teach our children how to figure their way out of every trouble when the technology is not there to save them.
Correct your spelling
hard
Firstly
, it is not going to be long before technologies advance to a level when people are not differentiable from each other and this
is the exact opportunity for the ones with more practical knowledge to shine out and save their jobs, win their competetions
or even survive. Correct your spelling
competitions
Moreover
, it is safe to say that our phones have become something like a swiss
knife and 6 billion people around the world have access to the best Capitalize word
Swiss
swiss
knives human has ever seen. Capitalize word
Swiss
Thus
it is likely this
swiss
knife will lose Capitalize word
Swiss
it's
magic very soon and Correct your spelling
its
becomes
nothing but Correct subject-verb agreement
become
a
essential tool for everyone to have. Change the article
an
Although
we are always going to need our swiss
knives Capitalize word
Swiss
but
what will happen if our cities run out of knife sharpeners? It is becoming more and more evident now that there will be a time when our raw ability Remove the conjunction
apply
of dealing
with everyday problems is what makes the difference between us humans.
Replace the preposition
to deal
Secondly
, thinking about how all these innovations have happened throughout the
history, we all know luck will most probably be with the ready minds. So, in order to get our minds prepared and dynamic, we have to figure out how our ancestors came up with their great breakthroughs. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, a great exercise would be to know every detail about every major and revolutionary innovation. For example
, one can learn a lot about how a great engineer's mind works while
examining a car. Therefore
, learning practical skills and getting into the details of the tools we use to get our jobs done, will help us to be prepared for the next big discovery of our time.
To conclude
, one cannot be sure whether or not he will use a certain ability he learned from his father. But, what is certain is that knowing extra useful things will give one an advantage and also
prepare his mind for more opportunities in the future.Submitted by a.ansari3103 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraph divisions and a progression of thoughts. However, the transitions between thoughts could be smoother, and the connection between ideas needs to be more explicit. Use phrases such as 'In addition', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', to add clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-present, but the thesis statement in the Introduction could be clearer. It should exactly reflect your position on the topic. In the conclusion, try to summarize your points more effectively, giving a closing thought that integrates all the information presented.
supported main points
Your main points are generally supported by subsequent sentences, which is good. However, sometimes the specifics are lacking or are not clearly tied to the point leading the paragraph. When you state a point, ensure your following sentences directly substantiate it.
complete response
You have addressed all parts of the task, which is commendable. However, sometimes the essay veers into abstract notions without directly addressing the topic. Ensure that even when exploring broad concepts, you tie them back to the question at hand.
clear comprehensive ideas
Overall, your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but at times, they can be a little difficult to follow because they are so abstract. Try to ground your ideas in concrete examples that directly reflect the prompt and are easier to understand.
relevant specific examples
While you've used some good specific examples, they could be more directly tied to the topic, and not all of your points are backed up by examples. Always support your points with relevant examples, ideally demonstrating a range of different scenarios.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.