IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015.

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015.
#consumption #three #kinds #food #teenagers #mauritius
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The provided chart shows the youngsters’ fast-food
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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in
Linking Words
particular
Add an article
a particular
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 area,
Mauritus
Correct your spelling
Mauritius
, between 1985 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trends explain the changes
of
Change preposition
in
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 meal preferences among teenagers
time
Change preposition
from time
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 to time, showing a significant decline in Pizza
while
Linking Words
 hamburgers and fried chicken increased gradually over the period. On one hand, the popularity of pizza dropped dramatically
by
Change preposition
apply
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eaten
Wrong verb form
eating
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at
Change preposition
apply
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just less than 10
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 in 2015
while
Linking Words
 in 1985 reaching 60
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in
the
Change the article
apply
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2000,
this
Linking Words
 category of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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experiencing
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 overlapping in the similar point of 2 other foods, reaching around 40
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the hamburgers rose significantly, reaching its peak at 70
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 in 2015
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fried chicken
show
Wrong verb form
showed
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 similar patterns, just above 60
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 a
year
Use synonyms
 for both
grops
Correct your spelling
groups
crops
.
In addition
Linking Words
, between 1995 and 2000, the number of fried
chicken
Fix the agreement mistake
chickens
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 exceeded hamburgers before it
is
Verb problem
went
show examples
 back to
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
second place in 2015.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words times, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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