IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The plans illustrate some information about changes in Grange
park
Capitalize word
Park
show examples
 in 1920 and today. Approximately everything has changed in
this
 area which made it more
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 today.There are a lot of new
thngs
Correct your spelling
things
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made namely
Amphitheatre
Correct article usage
an Amphitheatre
show examples
 for concerts in
left
Add an article
the left
show examples
 hand the
park
 and a Water feature in
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
right hand
Add a hyphen
right-hand
show examples
 corner
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 a Pound for
waterplants
Correct your spelling
water plants
. In 1920 Rose
gardens
Capitalize word
Gardens
show examples
 used to were three but now there are two;
However
, one of them is the
centeral
Correct your spelling
central
 of the
park
 and one
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
changes
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 to be a Cafe.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 5 seats places in the past
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
today there are four around the Rose
garden
Capitalize word
Garden
show examples
also
, there is a new place for children in
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
right hand
Add a hyphen
right-hand
show examples
 corner
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
names
Wrong verb form
named
show examples
 Children`s
play area
Correct your spelling
Play Area
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was a Pound for water plants in the past.
Instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Glasshouse has made a water feature
that is
 much more better. Entrances
ere
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 two that did not
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 any changes
ecsep
Correct your spelling
except
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a new one which is
Entrance
Correct article usage
the Entrance
show examples
 underground car
park
 that it was not in 1920.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction provides some basic context, but it could be clearer and more concise. Try to state the main changes briefly before delving into specifics.
task achievement
You have identified many changes between 1920 and today, which is good. Ensure clarity and comprehensiveness by organizing your points more systematically.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand due to grammar issues and awkward phrasing. Aim to use more accurate sentence structures to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphs to separate different points or types of changes. For example, one paragraph could focus on additions while another on removals or relocations.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and help clarify the changes. Ensure that when you mention an example, it is clearly linked to a main point so it's easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
You have correctly identified and mentioned various features and their changes over time.
task achievement
Your essay covered all parts of the task, showing you understood the material well.
task achievement
In some places, you have used specific examples effectively to illustrate the changes in the park.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
What to do next:
Look at other essays: