The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.
The two pie graphs illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how many
boys
and
girls
participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural and leisure
activities
. the first
graph
shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the
activities
which are commonly famous in
boys
i.e. basketball, skateboarding, soccer etc
while
the other
graph
depicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the
activities
of girl's interest i.e. dancing, netball, gymnastics etc. there are
also
some
activities
which are common in both
boys
and
girls
i.e.
computer
games
, reading and listening to music. The first pie
graph
shows
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
activities
of
boys
which illustrates that
computer
games
are the most played
games
by
boys
which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
34%
while
the second most performed activity is basketball which is around 26%.
Secondly
, the
graph
which depicts the information about
girls
tells
Verb problem
shows
show examples
that the most performed activity by
girls
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
dancing which is 27% and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading which is 21%.
girls
Capitalize word
Girls
show examples
do not take
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
in
computer
games
. In conclusion,
boys
and
girls
have different interests in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural and leisure
activities
.
According to
the graphs, it is proved that
boys
spend more time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing field
games
and
computer
games
but
girls
invest their time and energy in dancing which is good for health and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading which is good for developing a good intellectual mindset.
Additionally
, the percentage of listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
for both
boys
and
girls
.
Submitted by khannaughty26 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, activities, graph, computer, games with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "depicts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie graph/chart
  • survey
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • participate
  • percentage
  • engage in
  • contrast
  • significantly
  • minimally
  • gender differences
  • equal participation
  • synthesize
  • trends
  • analyze
  • highlight
  • unexpected
  • popular/unpopular
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