IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary, and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world's economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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The question of whether a spiking population will cause devastating consequences has sparked heated debate in many regions.
Nevertheless
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, some argue that the phenomena eventually contributes to economic growth and benefits the whole society at large. In the essay, I will elucidate both viewpoints in more detail and offer my personal opinions. First and foremost,
this
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 progress is generally regarded as a populace crisis and most supporters emphasize that growing demand for food, water and energy will ultimately lead to poverty, hunger or even war.
For instance
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, if one nation cannot fully support its citizens for basic needs, it is evident that famine may occur, resulting in millions of deaths.
However
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,
such
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 a possibility is generally over-exaggerated since new technology introduced often tackles most of the problems that enable humanity to raise more people.
On the other hand
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, some advocate the statement since it potentially expands economic activities. Generally speaking, the thinking is correct.
For example
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, it is because China has more than 1.4 billion individuals that so many consumers can bring significant spending power and boost their economy.In fact,
due to
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 its considerable public, India is
also
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 viewed as a soaring market in which every company wants to invest. In conclusion, many detrimental effects that an increasing number of humankind could bring can be resolved by advanced technology,
thus
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 it will no longer be an issue.
Moreover
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, the growing population is indeed highly related to economic expansion.
As a result
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, I personally have the latter standpoint that could be beneficial to the whole society.

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task response
The essay adequately addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear personal opinion. However, some points lack evidence and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, the development of supporting points could be more coherent and cohesive.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures. However, there are instances of imprecise word choices and awkward expressions.
grammatical range
The essay shows a fair control of grammar, but there are errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and word forms. Improvements in sentence fluency and accuracy are needed.
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