IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time in the year 1982. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the information below.

The chart below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time in the year 1982. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the information below.
#uk #time #year #report #university #lecturer #information
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The table depicts the information about the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 (in percentage) spent by the unemployed British people on several activities
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 were busier in the morning than in the afternoon. To start with, it is obvious that both groups spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in the morning.
Women
Use synonyms
 were mostly spending their
time
Use synonyms
 at 49% doing some housework,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 spent a significant amount of
time
Use synonyms
 at 22% looking for jobs, with only 2% drinking,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 only spent the least of their
time
Use synonyms
 enjoying their beverages at 1%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even though both groups had fewer activities in the afternoon, it seems that
women
Use synonyms
 were busier than
men
Use synonyms
.
Men
Use synonyms
 only allocated 7% of their
time
Use synonyms
 to go shopping,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 at 21% spent more money on shopping. Interestingly,
men
Use synonyms
 sometimes spent the least amount of their
time
Use synonyms
 lying in bed at 4%, but there was no woman at all (0%) who took a nap
last
Linking Words
 year.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job hunting
  • housework
  • leisure activities
  • job training
  • pursuing hobbies
  • childcare
  • household chores
  • socializing
  • entertainment
  • educational pursuits
  • evening classes
  • demographics
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