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Band 5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #children #skills #car #maintenance #bank #account #management #subjects
Some people's view is that the young generation is necessary to work.
For instance
, some needful job skills, those are bank accounter or taxi driver
together with
this
 specific subjects at school.
This
 essay will give some information about these.
That is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the Pros and cons sides. In my point of view, During learning, pupils need to get knowledge more related to their interests. To be honest, Writing about
this
 topic has some beneficial sides will be found. When young people work whether as taxi drivers or bank accountants, it does not matter which profession will do.
Firstly
, these workers will know the value of money and understand his or her parents' values.
In addition
, Working can create independence for the young.
For instance
, some famous young generation, when they were studying, In spite of being tough for them, chose labour.
Thus
, They will know the value of everything.
On the other hand
, There is own time for doing everything. Through learning, Without confusing anything, People ought to get useful details, about what science is profitable for them
according to
 their wish they need to pick out. Or else, They do not manage to achieve their ambitions easily.
Such
 as,
as a result
 of select labour or part-time jobs, some young citizens can not enter the University. Those cause us to become upset.
To conclude
, Despite having utilizable ways of the practical profession, on time, it should be got the knowledge, which to be useful for them.
Submitted by sarvinozjumayeva813 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. It is important to clearly state your opinion and reasons in the introduction, develop each reason in its own paragraph in the body, and conclude your essay by summarizing your points and restating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
While both the introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more clear and comprehensive. Try to give a brief summary of your main points in the conclusion, and ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint.
task achievement
You need to make sure that your examples directly support your main points and contribute to the overall argument of your essay. Some of your examples, such as 'young citizens not being able to enter University', are not directly relevant to your main points.
task achievement
Your response needs to more completely address all parts of the task. Make sure to clearly and fully discuss both sids' pros and cons
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and generally comprehensive, however, you need to further explain and develop your reasoning. Additionally, some parts of the essay can be difficult to understand due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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