IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #debt #behaviour #action
There is vast majority of
people
 keep spending large amounts of
money
 to buy products
while
 getting into debt. In my opinion, the reason why
people
 are addicted to purchasing is because they are influenced by their surrounding environment and
peers
. On the one hand, there are several reasons that lead to the problem of over-purchasing.
Firstly
, big companies lure customers by delivering prevalent advertisements and billboards
while
 building ideal images by celebrities. Some
people
 will buy products in order to be just like their favourite idol.
However
, they are just trapped by the mass
media
 and giving away their incomes to purchase something unnecessary.
Similarly
,
peers
also
 impact
people
’s consumption patterns through social
media
 platforms.
People
 often buy things under
peers
’ pressure
instead
 of their needs. It turns out that, the environment, social
media
 and our
peers
 become a chain that leads
people
 to over-purchasing.
On the other hand
, we should stop
this
 vicious circle by building up proper attitudes towards
money
 to the public. The government can prevent the trend of over-purchasing by holding financial management lectures or promoting tips for saving
money
.
For example
, setting a budget before shopping or don't go shopping
while
 feeling emotional.
Furthermore
, the authorities should let the public understand the serious consequences of getting into debt that they cannot afford
such
 as losing their credits by purchasing unneeded products.
In addition
, teachers need to let the children know that they should not follow any trend blindly and establish proper purchasing habits at a young age. On the whole, influence from the environment, social
media
 and our
peers
 are all reasons that lead to
this
 behaviour. We should prevent
people
 from having
this
 problem by building up a correct attitude towards
money
 to the public.
Submitted by BeckyJ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: