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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #services #companies #healthcare
It is true that medical services have become an essential tool for private organisations.
However
, some people believe, that our health is the most valuable thing and should not be paid for. In
this
 essay, I will look at both sides and try to draw some conclusions.
Let'
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Let
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‎s start by looking at the benefits of private
healtcare
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healthcare
.
Firstly
, paid companies usually provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
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quality, which
is
Verb problem
does
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 not always
appears
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appear
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 in
the
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apply
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free medicine. Looking at the example of
a
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apply
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surgery, it is obvious that the best doctors
as well as
an equipment
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equipment
a piece of equipment
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 are
highly-paid
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highly paid
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.
Thus
, if you want to be sure of a hospital's services, it's better to go
Change preposition
to the
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the
Change preposition
to the
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 private one. Not only that, but
also
instead
 of staying in
the
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apply
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lines for hours, many of us prefer not going to
the
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apply
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public corporations, so as to save time. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is obvious that not everyone can afford expensive curing.
For instance
, in
Kazakhstan
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Kazakhstan,
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 almost 60 per cent of
population
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the population
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have
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has
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 tiny wages that cannot cover the costs of treatment.
Consequently
, the nation will suffer if there are only private medical organizations everywhere. Another major issue is that people take out a lot of loans to close
the
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their
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 debts. So they will be burdened with credits for a lot of time. In conclusion, I would argue that the benefits of paid healthcare
overweight
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outweigh
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 the drawbacks
due to
 the quality and service confidence. Many people prefer to be sure in order to save their health, so it would be better to invest in the things that really matter
Submitted by aida.ai2000 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a fair assessment of the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. However, it is important to develop a balanced argument with more depth and complexity.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the logical flow of ideas is somewhat disrupted. Use topic sentences for each paragraph to improve coherence and cohesion.

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