IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #services #companies #healthcare
It is true that medical services have become an essential tool for private organisations.
However
, some people believe, that our health is the most valuable thing and should not be paid for. In
this
 essay, I will look at both sides and try to draw some conclusions.
Let'
Correct your spelling
Let
show examples
‎s start by looking at the benefits of private
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
.
Firstly
, paid companies usually provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality, which
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not always
appears
Correct subject-verb agreement
appear
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free medicine. Looking at the example of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
surgery, it is obvious that the best doctors
as well as
an equipment
Remove the article
equipment
a piece of equipment
show examples
 are
highly-paid
Correct your spelling
highly paid
show examples
.
Thus
, if you want to be sure of a hospital's services, it's better to go
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 private one. Not only that, but
also
instead
 of staying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lines for hours, many of us prefer not going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public corporations, so as to save time. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is obvious that not everyone can afford expensive curing.
For instance
, in
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
 almost 60 per cent of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 tiny wages that cannot cover the costs of treatment.
Consequently
, the nation will suffer if there are only private medical organizations everywhere. Another major issue is that people take out a lot of loans to close
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 debts. So they will be burdened with credits for a lot of time. In conclusion, I would argue that the benefits of paid healthcare
overweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks
due to
 the quality and service confidence. Many people prefer to be sure in order to save their health, so it would be better to invest in the things that really matter
Submitted by aida.ai2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay provides a fair assessment of the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. However, it is important to develop a balanced argument with more depth and complexity.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the logical flow of ideas is somewhat disrupted. Use topic sentences for each paragraph to improve coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: